I am having a strong desire these days. The desire of leaving this virtual world.
Remember , was drawn into it four years ago, when my husband was transferred to this place, they call the hard station. Far from my hometown and known ones. A relative, a close one, said, come to fb, we will share pictures, messages, you won't feel alone. Son created the account. Said , ma, you won't feel lonely again. Fun it was at the beginning, connecting to old friends. But it started fading, when I learnt that they have marched forward in their life and I have become stagnant. Jealously? May be, human afterall.
Then it was the whatsapp the next year when I had an android of my own. Previously it was only the desktop I was using and the land line, the small mob for emergency. Again it was fun with school groups, univ groups, different videos, jokes, chatting, refreshing.
Then happened the mistake perhaps. The twitter. One year into it and its an addiction I admit. Though diff articles, news from diff parts of the world , travel pictures, diff types of people are fun but at the same time exhausting. I , the very private myself, is lost somewhere. Losing the concentration which I was getting back after years , story books are left unread. I am disturbed all the time, an inner conflict , tension, dislike, disgust. Don't ask why? There are diff reasons.
One can be, they say you can speak freely here, but actually you cannot. And if you do, you are invited with abuses. Another can be, have a feeling everyone here is very well educated and highly placed but talking about problems of deprived . Do you really know or feel their probs? Another is cheating, yes , cheating. Another , advertisement of your skills. A good oppertunity but I have none.
Well, have to admit , my this writing down my feelings is something I learnt here. Thanks for that at least.
Want to leave everything. Want a SM detoxication. But how? A strong determination? Had once. That too left me it seems.
A strong desire I am having to go back to my peaceful world, when I laughed and cried with my books.
I will for sure, one day, very soon.
Remember , was drawn into it four years ago, when my husband was transferred to this place, they call the hard station. Far from my hometown and known ones. A relative, a close one, said, come to fb, we will share pictures, messages, you won't feel alone. Son created the account. Said , ma, you won't feel lonely again. Fun it was at the beginning, connecting to old friends. But it started fading, when I learnt that they have marched forward in their life and I have become stagnant. Jealously? May be, human afterall.
Then it was the whatsapp the next year when I had an android of my own. Previously it was only the desktop I was using and the land line, the small mob for emergency. Again it was fun with school groups, univ groups, different videos, jokes, chatting, refreshing.
Then happened the mistake perhaps. The twitter. One year into it and its an addiction I admit. Though diff articles, news from diff parts of the world , travel pictures, diff types of people are fun but at the same time exhausting. I , the very private myself, is lost somewhere. Losing the concentration which I was getting back after years , story books are left unread. I am disturbed all the time, an inner conflict , tension, dislike, disgust. Don't ask why? There are diff reasons.
One can be, they say you can speak freely here, but actually you cannot. And if you do, you are invited with abuses. Another can be, have a feeling everyone here is very well educated and highly placed but talking about problems of deprived . Do you really know or feel their probs? Another is cheating, yes , cheating. Another , advertisement of your skills. A good oppertunity but I have none.
Well, have to admit , my this writing down my feelings is something I learnt here. Thanks for that at least.
Want to leave everything. Want a SM detoxication. But how? A strong determination? Had once. That too left me it seems.
A strong desire I am having to go back to my peaceful world, when I laughed and cried with my books.
I will for sure, one day, very soon.
Everyone has to cross this phase .... right now you are crossing it... but don't Leave it halfway down there.
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