MY FEARS
Just yesterday I was reading an article, Irrfan Khan's interview. His pain and how he faces it , a beautiful one. Poetic I must say. I have fears too but may be not that artistic .
I have a family history of cancer. From my father's side I have a very big family. Nearly 14 uncle and aunt. Amazing, isn't it! Old days you see. I don't remember my eldest aunt but have heard of her so much, even today, after so many years, she is fresh in the memories of others. She died of cancer when I was very small. Had it in her uterus, they say it was because of her multiple abortions. The pain she went through, how nothing remained of her body except bones , I often heard.
Then there was that cousin of mine. She was only 15. Died of blood cancer. I remember how she often had from fever, how she bleed to death.
Then there that aunt of mine, how often we used to go to her house. Was a strong believer in God and God's blessings. Nothing helped. Had breast cancer. Got it operated. Saw her on her dying days, no hair, thin and bended, always with the saline bottle. Could not bear it for long.
There were many more surrounding me, whose pain and death I have seen. There was that 11 years old boy, my neighbour, my brother's friend, the very lively Papu, whose death I have seen. Then there was that senior in my school. All dying of blood cancer. I come from a place, once which was very polluted and many died of blood cancer, they say, because of this.
Often I feared of having this killer myself. They say its genetic too. Mainly I feared breast cancer. If I had to operate, how bad I would look or would the man want me after that too or neglect me or would want me to die, I often thought. Also the cost of the treatment. Its massive,leaves a family nearly pauper. And the pain, its unbearable. Should I treat myself or should I leave the world silently, should I bear the pain or ask them for a mercy killing. I asked myself this questions.
How foolish of me, what a loser I was, unless I read their stories, the fighters in life. They braved every pain and same I wish to do if ever hit by such unfortunate circumstances.
Just yesterday I was reading an article, Irrfan Khan's interview. His pain and how he faces it , a beautiful one. Poetic I must say. I have fears too but may be not that artistic .
I have a family history of cancer. From my father's side I have a very big family. Nearly 14 uncle and aunt. Amazing, isn't it! Old days you see. I don't remember my eldest aunt but have heard of her so much, even today, after so many years, she is fresh in the memories of others. She died of cancer when I was very small. Had it in her uterus, they say it was because of her multiple abortions. The pain she went through, how nothing remained of her body except bones , I often heard.
Then there was that cousin of mine. She was only 15. Died of blood cancer. I remember how she often had from fever, how she bleed to death.
Then there that aunt of mine, how often we used to go to her house. Was a strong believer in God and God's blessings. Nothing helped. Had breast cancer. Got it operated. Saw her on her dying days, no hair, thin and bended, always with the saline bottle. Could not bear it for long.
There were many more surrounding me, whose pain and death I have seen. There was that 11 years old boy, my neighbour, my brother's friend, the very lively Papu, whose death I have seen. Then there was that senior in my school. All dying of blood cancer. I come from a place, once which was very polluted and many died of blood cancer, they say, because of this.
Often I feared of having this killer myself. They say its genetic too. Mainly I feared breast cancer. If I had to operate, how bad I would look or would the man want me after that too or neglect me or would want me to die, I often thought. Also the cost of the treatment. Its massive,leaves a family nearly pauper. And the pain, its unbearable. Should I treat myself or should I leave the world silently, should I bear the pain or ask them for a mercy killing. I asked myself this questions.
How foolish of me, what a loser I was, unless I read their stories, the fighters in life. They braved every pain and same I wish to do if ever hit by such unfortunate circumstances.
It is also my fear too..
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